Artists Pay Back (The Blog)

January 29, 2011

So, Ya Wanna Be A Pirate?

Filed under: Local info,pop culture — artistspayback @ 12:14 am
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This year marks the 107th Gasparilla celebration. In case you’ve never heard of this signature festival, it’s like Tampa’s version of Mardi Gras (which is to say the organizers have been desperate to have people call it “Tampa’s version of Mardi Gras” ever since they began calling it that). The comparison’s are staggering. It’s a parade where people get drunk and throw beads. See, staggering.

Now, I love Gasparilla. I’ve grown up with it and have seen it evolve (okay, to be fair, devolve) over the last few decades. We even used to get a day off from school every year for Gasparilla and I was in sixth grade before I realized it wasn’t a National holiday. It was eighth grade before I realized that there were actually people in town who didn’t like the idea of celebrating someone who was known for subjecting the city to murder, destruction and rape (some people can be such a buzzkill.)

"Arrggh, mateys. Hoist ye beads."

To be fair though, it’s all bogus. Depending on where you do your research, Jose Gaspar (the titular pirate of the event) was never even know to patrol the waters in and around Tampa Bay and that’s if he ever even existed at all. Gasparilla was begun more a less as a publicity stunt designed to bring some attention (and money) to Tampa. Technically, Gasparilla doesn’t even belong to the city, it’s the domain of Ye Mystic Krewe. This is a collective of the city’s “finest” (you know politicians, lawyers, trust-fund babies, and other self-important entitled types). Each year these middle-aged men slather on the makeup (think ‘dirt’ and ‘scars’), tie do-rags around their receding hairlines, have their girth ensconced in silken puffy shirts, kiss their trophy wives goodbye and revel in the cheers of a city while trying to get drunk coeds to take off their tops.

All was well and good with the festival until it hit snag in 1991. The Super Bowl was being played in Tampa that year and Gasparilla was scheduled the day before the big game. With the national media descending on the town, the Krewe wanted the exposure and recognition it would bring. And boy did they get it. The Krewe was pilloried for not allowing minorities or women in their ranks (and I know what you’re thinking, that is really out of character for old wealthy, mostly Republican, white guys). But, rather than correct this embarrassing policy and attempt to enter into a post-Civil War mindset, they cancelled the festival in a pouty huff. In its place, Bamboleo was born (rather, still-born).The following year, the Krewe happily (no, those aren’t gritted teeth, those are smiles) accepted enough minorities to appease people and Gasparilla was back on. (Women were still banned, but come on, if they start allowing women next thing they’ll have to let their wives in and who wants that?) A lot of other Krewe’s began popping up throughout the 90’s and the parade expanded exponentially as the Krewe (sometimes reluctantly) allowed them into their little party.

The wacky antics of the Ye Old Creepy White Guy Krewe aside, Gasparilla truly is a fun day. If you’ve never been and you’re not easily offended by public drunkenness (and occasionally, urination) and enjoy mostly good-natured revelry, I suggest you attend. Here are some tips to remember as you blend with the 400,000 in attendance. Well, 400,001 actually, I forgot to count myself.

1. Leave the kids at home – A few years back the created a kids parade on a separate day specifically because this had become a lousy environment for children. Seriously, this is not for them. Nothing dampens a nice day of drunken debauchery like little ones running between our legs. Plus, they slow you down and make a bad bathroom situation that much worse.

2. Brush up on the liquor laws – YouTube nearly killed Gasparilla a couple of years ago. The parade route winds runs through a mostly residential area and some of the residents were fed up with finding their yard covered with things like beer bottles, trash, vomit and blacked-out frat boys. They whined about it for years (I’m not too sympathetic, it kind of comes with the territory – literally – so I say embrace it and enjoy yourself or move to Westchase) and it wasn’t until videos started to surface online that the city decided to clamp down. The last couple of years have seen a steady attempt to tame things a bit. More port-a-lets were added, rolling coolers were banned, open-container laws were tightened and the police presence was increased. So make sure you’re up on the latest rules. (For what it’s worth, I’ve always thought the cops on-hand at Gasparilla were very cool. They always seem to be enjoying the nonsense and are willing to give you a lot of leeway. I get the sense that they really don’t want to arrest you unless you give them no choice.)

3. Pace yourself – If you do it right, Gasparilla is a 8 – 12 hour day. You want to get out there by 10 or 11AM to park and get settled. The parade begins around 2PM and after it ends, around 6, you can head downtown for the concerts or, even better, end up at the Hub. (Best. Bar. Ever.) Which means you need to be able to hang that long and be mobile. Don’t be the guy or girl that everyone has to carry around as the day drags on (or drag around as the day carries on, depending on how much your friends like you).

4. I hope you like walking – It’s theoretically possible not to travel several miles during the course of the day, but unlikely. And not nearly as fun. First you have to park, often far from the action. Then you’ll want to travel the parade route to find “your spot.” If all goes well, you’ll meet up with other friends or make new ones and travel with them to exciting destinations (bars). You want to take it all in so hit Bayshore, then go downtown, shoot over to Harbor Island. Do it right.

5. Backpacks are your friend – The “man” may have banned coolers, but you’ll need to have your provisions. So get a nice hiking backpack and load it up with your liquid refreshments, some snack foods, and cups to work around the container laws (also, if you’re traveling with some ladies, you might want to pack a roll of toilet paper, trust me).

That’s all it really takes for a fun and exhausting Gasparilla experience. Have fun, stay out of trouble, grab some beads and I’ll see you at the Hub around midnight.

March 12, 2010

The Unsettling Case of Nick Schuyler

Nick Schuyler’s recently released a book detailing his harrowing experience of being lost at sea with his three good friends, Marquis Cooper, Corey Smith and Will Bleakley. The story made national news as soon as the men were reported missing due to the fact that two of them were professional football players. He has said that the point of the book is not at all about capitalizing or profiting from the tragedy, but to shed light on what really happened and how he was able to survive the ordeal. It was, without a doubt, a terrible and tragic incident and he is very lucky to be alive.

My first thought when Nick was rescued (and admittedly cynical in the worst way) was, “well the unknown kid just hit the jackpot.” But I remember hearing soon after that he had no interest in book deals and promotions. He just wanted to be left alone. I believe he did one interview with a local newspaper (the St. Petersburg Times, perhaps) to set the record straight. Then, a few months later, he appeared on Real Sports to set the record straight (again.)

Then I heard about the book, and thought, “There it is.”

There have been some questions, and justifiably so, about the fact that he is putting out what is likely to be a bestseller. His defense of the book during his current ‘no media stone unturned’ promotional blitz has been along the lines of “there was some misinformation about what really happened and I want to set the record straight.” That may be an admirable stance to take, but there is still so much about the whole ordeal that leaves me feeling a little uneasy about his motives.

  • Why the need for a writing assist? –  Jere Longman helped write the book. He wasn’t there that day and, as far as I can find, had no direct connection to any of the men involved prior to signing on to write the book. So why is his name gracing the cover? Well, of course, publisher William Morrow/HarperCollins wants to move some product. Longman is an established writer with many successful books to his name and presumably a sizeable following. Nick has said that Longman’s involvement was just to help him sort out his thoughts and shape it into a narrative. I don’t quite buy that. Sure, he probably helped in that regard but his job was more so to amp up the prose. To work in some powerful metaphors and make the dialogue pop. And really, if he’s not there to make it a better reading experience, which would necessitate some form of embellishments, then why is he involved at all? If the book is “in Nick’s own words” then Jere is an unnecessary component.  But he is involved so the words and thoughts expressed in print cannot be fully trusted. And the motives behind his involvement are questionable.
  • How can we trust Nick’s version in the first place?It’s a legitimate question, but not one I’ve heard come up yet. Hypothermia, sleep deprivation, no food or water, burning sun, endless hours, death – all of these things can cause the strongest mind to drift from reality. By the accounts of both experts and Nick himself, unavoidable delirium and in some cases outright hallucinations were experienced, so how is Nick’s version even the “truth” to begin with? Can we believe that this is, as he says, “what happened?” This doesn’t have to mean he’s lying (not intentionally, anyway) but it does have to call into question the validity in anything he says. He may be the only one who “really knows what happened” but that doesn’t mean his recollection is accurate.
  • How about giving the family the face-to-face treatment – This maybe the most unsettling aspect of all. Nick’s own family has asserted that he has barely spoken openly with them about what happened. Presumably because it is difficult to say it to them directly. Fair enough, but why then has he been able to speak to the media ad nauseum. It’s bothersome to know that he has discussed what happened for about one hour (minus commercials) longer to Oprah than to Marquis Cooper’s own wife. If, as he claims, it’s hard to do it face-to-face, maybe prepare a private video directed at each family. Maybe even let them prepare some questions that you can answer to allow them some measure of relief in the final hours of their beloved sons and husbands.
  • The only people who need the truth are the families, and they can get it for $29.95 – Just kidding, surely they got free copies. Right? His whole “the record needs to be set straight” agenda is admirable on the surface. There was rampant speculation, accusations and even vitriol directed at the men for being inexperienced boaters and for the assumption that they were heavily intoxicated. It bothered Nick that the event could on any level be portrayed as a comeuppance for some guys who were in over their heads due to ignorance and/or arrogance and that it cost them their lives. This characterization is probably unfair at best and unnecessarily cruel at worst and Nick wanted to expose it as unjust. They made mistakes in the heat of confusion, but it was not, he asserts, due to alcohol or blatant incompetence – just an unfortunate and ultimately tragic string of events that, yes, could have been avoided in retrospect. But ultimately this information needed to be related to those directly involved. Taking rumors and doubts out of the public consciousness (not to mention, the internet) is like trying to take pee out of a pool. If the families were told the truth and were able to find peace with it, no one else’s opinion really mattered.
  • A blog don’t cost a thing – Need to tell the truth? Want to hinder any other books from hitting the marketplace, ones that might add more untruths to the equation? Want to prevent anyone from ‘cashing in’ on the tragedy? Then all you really need is an email and the ability to type “” It’s over. A free online account, directly from the person most qualified to explain what happened that day would have derailed any other publications attempts to make money. Why pay for some third-party retelling when the survivor himself was had already detailed the story for all to see? And, again, for free. Since one of his justifications for signing on to do the book (and for doing it so quickly after the fact), was that a book was inevitable and “if I didn’t do it someone else would.” Here is your chance to destroy that possibility. And also, I’ve heard him remark to his detractors his resignation that “people are going to believe what they want to believe anyway and I can’t change that.” If that’s the case and he’s come to terms with that truth, why write the book at all?
  • If you have to go on TV, then don’t write the book, and vice versaHe went on Real Sports last August for the first televised interview to detail his story and of course “offer what really happened.” Okay, he could have still done Oprah, fine. She has a larger audience and a different demographic. But much like the blog option, a couple of TV stops to “tell what really happened” could have also negated anyone else’s attempt to really cash in. Or at least it could have put the truth out there so he wouldn’t have to worry about misinformation. But the book and the TV blitz? The word is his publisher is making him do all these appearances, but in reality if he had decided against this type of promotional tour then he could have nixed it from the start. In reality, he probably agreed in writing to make appearances as part of the terms to sign the deal, so his down playing it as some necessary evil that he wanted no part of and would rather avoid all together is insulting. Why not let the ghost writer do the tour if it’s so hard for you talk about and you don’t “want to be in the spotlight?” And speaking of not wanting to be in the spotlight, perhaps rename the “Nick Schuyler Foundation” to something a little less eponymous.
  • Where does the money go? – I’ve tried to find information online about how exactly the profits form the book will be disseminated. I’ve seen vague mentions of “profits being split among various charities” but have yet to find anything concrete (if you know, please send me the information.) Now, the real question is “does Nick have a right to profit from it?” The answer is of course, yes. He is writing about his experience and therefore can use that experience in any way. Does that make it unseemly to do so? Perhaps, but I would leave that up to the other families involved. What he doesn’t have the right to do is be sanctimonious or offended when people call him on any profiting from the ordeal. If this is at all about cashing in, he needs to own it. If it’s not, then and only then, can he be righteous in his indignation.
  • This became the Nick Schuyler story by default – There is the sense among many that he’s trading on the fame of Cooper and Smith. After all, this story didn’t gain national attention because it was “four men lost at sea,” no it was “two NFL players are missing along with two other companions.” This is why it was the top story on ESPN Sportscenter. This is why news organizations, with focused coverage in Oakland, Detroit and especially Tampa (where the boat left from and where Cooper and Smith once played for the Buccaneers) followed the story with fevered coverage. Nick, of course, was the survivor, which then turned the story to him. But would it have garnered the same attention without Smith and Cooper? Would there be a book? (Perhaps.) Would he be on the Today Show and Oprah? (Doubtful.) How about Jim Rome and Real Sports? (Not a chance.) Undoubtedly this is one (of many) reason why the Cooper family in particular has a problem with Nick’s actions since their son’s death. Without Cooper and Smith there would be no “Nick Schuyler.”

In fairness, I haven’t seen all or read all of the interviews. Perhaps some or all of these concerns have been adequately addressed. If so, then I would love to hear it.

My point isn’t that Nick Schuyler doesn’t have the “right” to do what he’s doing. He was there, he lived to tell the tale and that’s what he’s doing but there is a shaky line of ethics here, that he may have crossed depending on your point of view. To me it comes down to one of my favorite expressions, “just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.” And to add to that, if you do then you’ll have to deal with the questions that will inevitably follow.

To me, the best way to sum it all up was said by Marquis Cooper’s widow Rebekah. She opined that “if (Marquis) had walked away from a tragic experience like the one that took his life, authoring a book and having it on the shelves within a year and financially exploiting the deaths of others would never have been a consideration.”  She also was incredulous that “Mr. Schuyler has enough recollection and material to write a 256-page book, yet he has never sat down with our family to tell us how Marquis died.” Her anger runs deep for Nick and perhaps it could have been avoided by dealing with her privately face-to-face. Reportedly she just wanted to know what her husband’s final hours were like and if he had anything to pass on to his family. Would it have been so hard for Nick to sit down with her and simply say, “he fought out there, fought hard because he kept saying how much he couldn’t wait to be back with his family again. He loved you all and his thoughts were with you. I’m so sorry he didn’t make it, but he never gave up, he fought to the last beat of his heart.” Even if it weren’t really true, it would be the best thing in the world for her to hear. Much has been made of Nick’s statement that he was able to survive because he couldn’t bear the thought of his mother crying at his funeral. It’s a beautiful poetic statement and, intentionally or not, it manages to elevate him beyond the other three by sheer will and love for his family. He’s saying he refused to die. But what does that say about the others? It implies that they did not have that reserve (they also did not have as much clothing and did not spend as much time on the overturned hull and out of the frigid waters, but I digress.) If you’re going to hang that statement out there like that, true though it may be, at least have the decency to try and paint the others with the same determined brush and be sure to acknowledge that those thoughts along with other acts (some on Nick’s behalf on the part of the others) were just as important in his survival.

One thing is certain, as long as this is the end of it, then perhaps he is being truthful. If he is sincere in “just wanted the truth to be out there” then this will be the end – he wrote the book, did the promotions and had his say. He’ll finish up his promotional tour and try to return to what, of course, will never be a “normal life” (again, I don’t for one minute doubt that the emotional and psychological scars will always run deep for him). And I’ll do my best to believe his intentions are as pure as he says they are as long as I don’t ever hear the following phrase:

‘Movie deal.’

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